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Review #4727763
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Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (3.5)
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An Angel Army Review


Good morning, rupali. I found your offering on the Read & Review section.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I understand that English is not your primary language but feel that you do well with it. I know a smattering of several languages--enough to get around and order dinner--but would never try conversational writing. I applaud your efforts.

I'm a little confused about your format. It seems written as a free form poem yet reads like a story. That distracted me as a reader. I don't think you really followed the prompt. It seemed you wrote more of your response to him, rather than by him.

I don't know what 'egoclass' means. Some other suggestions for wording:

*Bulleto* But weren't interested in getting a divorce.

*Bulleto* Five years passed away quickly.

*Bulleto* But keeps silent.

*Bulleto* He pauses for a moment.

*Bulleto* I can't live without living without you, | I don't know what you're trying to say here.

*Bulleto* I keep calm.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* Use quotation marks on all lines of dialogue, not just the first line.    

*Star* My Rating.  3.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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