You have a good opening with the first two sentences mentioning how long you have lived so far increases by the day. It is a great lead in causing readers to immediately think about their

The ideas in this essay are covered very quickly so sometimes it is a challenge to follow the train of thought. I feel that it is strongest in the middle section where you share your personal experiences and history you lived through. You have a lot of great events to share.

The ending paragraph is challenging because it needs a little bit more details to successful cover directions you feel that people need to move away from and avoid making part of our history. I recommend expanding it a lot more.

Other than that I thought the essay was very thought provoking and with great topic to discuss. Thank you for sharing your history with us.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .