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Review #4732645
Viewing a review of:
Paul, One Eye, No Legs Open in new Window. [E]
A Tribute to my late neighbor.
by BIG BAD WOLF is Merry Author Icon
Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi BIG BAD WOLF is Merry Author Icon.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Paul, One Eye, No Legs" Open in new Window., which I found on the Read & Review feature.

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. A fitting tribute. What a great way to honor a friend's passing. Telling someone about a friend's passing is good; but writing about it memorializes that passing.

I understood what you were trying to say with your third line. But I believe you were trying to portray a limited range of motion--I suspect he had to turn more than just his head, but his body to better indicate his frailty.

One other spot bothers me--you state: And I can’t tell anyone, To my mind, you just did tell us. Perhaps state: I can't say

I found it touching that Paul's wife took over his Port after his passing. I notice there hasn't been any activity for more than ten years. I hope that's because of other pursuits. And if Paul has passed and his Port is inactive, have you considered trying to memorialize the Port?

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* No issues found here.   

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

Non-Animated Angel Army Signature



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