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 Review #4732783 |
 | Attempting  [E] Eight line poem  |
| (4.5)| An Angel Army Review Hi Sumojo . I'm Ja-Ja-JINX , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Attempting " . I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. It's an interesting premise--writing a poem in 60 seconds. So I wonder, did you actually complete your task? I see nothing that says you did ... or did not.I like your a-b-a-b rhyme pattern. Great job weaving that in your short creation period.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. The syllable count is not the best for this line, adding extra syllables with the word "Okay." I think Okay should be deleted. Okay, I’ll struggle to formulate a plan, Once again, adding the word "But" adds a ninth syllable, which interrupted my reading flow. But I plan to show you that I can  My Rating. 4.5.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.Reviewed by JACE   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 02/22/2024 @ 1:51am EST