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Review #4733671
Viewing a review of:
 Expectations Open in new Window. []
anticipation/teacher/student
by cinderella Author Icon
Review of Expectations  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Soundtrackers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello cinderella

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window. activity.


*Penw* Positives

I thought you did a great job capturing the excitement and uncertainty of being a teacher. Having been married to one for more than fifteen years, I can tell from personal experience that you really captured those emotions well, and all the doubts and uncertainties that come with the job.


*Penw* Suggestions

I'm not sure that the POV shift between the narrator and two of her students (Tommy and Samantha) entirely worked. Even with the ample white space to differentiate the paragraphs with the different points of view, it was a bit jarring to be in the middle of a character's internal thoughts and then suddenly jump into the mind of another one. If those POVs are important to you to capture, I'd recommend a bit of a smoother transition. That can be accomplished with a variety of narrative devices including mirroring thoughts, emotions, or physical circumstances, or even echoing similar lines of dialogue or prose.

Ultimately, I'm not sure that the point of view for Tommy and Samantha is required for this story, because the true theme and purpose of the piece seems to be revealing to the narrator (teacher) that the important lesson is to focus on caring well for her students rather than slavishly adhering to plans or expectations, and I think that can be accomplished through the teacher's experience of Tommy and Samantha within the context of the classroom, rather than needing their specific perspectives validated or their morning routines detailed.


*Penw* Overall

In general, I thought you did a really good job with this piece of writing. It's a great message, and focusing on the specific needs of individual students is, in my experience, when teachers are at their absolute best. Thank you so much for sharing this very touching piece of writing! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
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