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 Review #4733994 |
 | Pushing Time  [E] We always think we have enough time, for whatever we need to fix. Don't let time slip.  |
| (4.5)| Hi jayesandz .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Pushing Time" . I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. Again, welcome to Writing.Com. It looks like you've received a plethora of reviews of your poetry. While I primarily enjoy reviewing short stories, I'm trying to expand beyond my comfort zone with poem reviews.I enjoyed reading your offering about the apparent estrangement between your brother and you. Your format and rhyming pattern was easy to read. My brother was also two years younger than I and he passed away a few years ago. We were not estranged, per se; but we weren't close either. I wished we'd talked more. How many times do we read about things left unsaid when someone passes? Hopefully we learn from others before it affects us. I have a few points I'll list below regarding some issues with punctuation and grammar.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. I feel that use of a semi-colon is certain spots would be more appropriate, or provide more emphasis. For example:My grudge gave me anger, Now I'm left here sad. My grudge gave me anger; Now I'm left here sad. I love you my brother, I miss you too. I love you, my brother; I miss you too. Reading this line threw me a bit. Your brother is no longer able to see anything through. I believe I understand what you were trying to say -- it just seemed off. I'm going to make you proud, you will see this through. I'm going to make you proud; I will see this through. My Rating. 4.5.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.
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