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 Review #4734305 |
| Hi Kevic  .I'm JACE  , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invalid Item"  . I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. I found your offering on the Read & Review feature. Your title tells what your poem is about; your Item Description was a bit lacking--it should entice a reader.I noticed you changed your rhyming pattern from the first to the second stanza--from a-b-a-b to a-a-b-b. Was there a reason for the change? It's funny. I've seen trees as Fall closes with a single leaf fluttering in the breeze, and not thought much about it ... except that Winter approaches. You saw it differently. And that makes the difference. Kudos.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. I stumbled over this line. Confide doesn't seem to fit for me. A suggestion follows. does this confide him? no does this comfort him? no Poetry is a personal medium. While I found the lack of punctuation distracting, I reserve your right to create as you see fit.  My Rating. 4.5.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.
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