Hello Steven Gepp!

Thanks again for the beta reader opportunity on this urban dragon novel of yours. I just finished reading these two chapters (eight and nine), so I'm here to do your review. I hope you enjoy it and find it encouraging and uplifting.


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I enjoyed these chapters and am looking forward to the next installment. Well done!

You kept me riveted and I read the whole thing, word for word. Well done!



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

I liked how you worked music into the end of chapter nine. It suits what I know of your personality.

I thought you did a great job on the action and the revelation of the mystery lady's identity. I never would have come up with the name you did for her. Mark's name, however common, was also cool when related to the music.

These chapters definitely had some action. So did the one before. I forget if I mentioned that in the review.


I didn't notice any spelling mistakes in your two chapters. Well done!


Your story chapters were interesting to me, and made me want to read your next one(s). Well done!



THOUGHTS TO HOPEFULLY MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER or at least maybe give you a woman's insight :


This exchange:
“Love you.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
...is not one that I would think would then lead to the girlfriend (who said "love you") coming to the guy's place with dinner. At least not without some kind of indication from him that she was still wanted. Though I guess if she is ready to say "love you" after two days, she is unusual. Still, I'm guessing that most women wouldn't likely be eager to get rejected again so quickly. They'd wait for the guy to make a move, to show that he's still interested. At least that's my opinion. Though maybe Donna will turn out to be stalker crazy and this will be important in the future. Only you know.


CONCLUSION:
You have a great writing style and I easily got drawn into the story. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your time and writing with the Writing.Com community!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler



Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .