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 Review #4736483 |
 | Super Toilet  [E] Advertisement for the state of the art toilet.  |
| (4.0)| An Angel Army Review Hi Sumojo . I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Super Toilet" , which I found on the Read & Review feature. I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. Great piece of satire. I always have time for a smile.It reminds me of a privy I used while touring Germany a few years ago. After I finished my business, the toilet seat began rotating, Jets of disinfectant were sprayed on the seat as it moved. Completing its cycle, it dried rather quickly awaiting the next ... uh, occupant. A couple suggestions. You should use smaller paragraphs to enhance the essence of the pitch for the "super" toilet. Smaller paragraphs provide pause for your reader allowing your words to sink in. This is especially true in your final paragraph. One para: environment; two para: techy; three para: night; and four para: music. These also might be bullets as if listing the features.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. My older eyes thank you for the larger font size.  My Rating. 4.0.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.Reviewed by JACE    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/11/2024 @ 8:40pm EDT