I'm JACE, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "The Meltdown" .
I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.
Overall Impression. Your item came up on the Read & Review feature, and since I just wrote an article about punctuating dialogue for the Short Stories newsletter, I couldn't pass up your offering, Ken.
Great conversation. I wondered how many other couples in this new world were having a similar dialogue.
I checked ... carefully. Your dialogue punctuation is perfect. At least to these old eyes. I would have used single quotation marks to encompass your speech. But using italics worked too.
I did see a spot that might need a tweak on your other punctuation. See below.
Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.
This sentence bothered me. I wouldn't have used the ellipsis where you placed it. The pause would be stronger in another spot. Why don’t you stop by the 7-11 … Oh, wait, there’s no 7-11 or any stores!” Why don’t you stop by the 7-11? Oh, wait, there’s no 7-11 ... or any stores!”
My Rating. 4.5.
Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.
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