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Review #4737281
Viewing a review of:
 Nothing At All  [E]
One friend finds a genie in a bottle. The other friend thinks he wasted his wish. Did he?
by TheNoMonster
Review of Nothing At All  
Review by Tiggy in Antigua
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

This is a question my children and I pondered every time we watched ‘Aladdin’: What would you do with your three wishes? The genie in this story didn’t grant three but only one wish, which was enough for the narrator as he didn’t need anything to begin with. So he gave the wish away, or rather, he returned it to its rightful owner, and wished on her behalf what he thought she would have wanted most.

For a moment, I worried that this would be one of those stories where a wish goes wrong and terrible things happen as a result, but fortunately it wasn’t. Instead, you treated the readers to a very intriguing and well written happy story, even if the best friend felt cheated out of a grand gift or some good fortune.


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was very polished and I didn’t notice any errors, except perhaps one: In the beginning and at the end, you refer to the narrator’s friend as Michael, but a few paragraphs in, you mention a David. I’m guessing that was supposed to say Michael. If not, I would probably change it anyway because introducing another friend at this point isn't necessary. Besides, you describe the genie as looking like David Niven so you already have one David.

The other suggestion I have is concerning paragraph breaks. You seem to have two lines between the paragraphs, which makes the story a little disjointed, almost as if each one is supposed to stand on its own. For the readers, who are mostly used to single line breaks, it doesn’t flow as well as it should. It’s just a simple formatting thing and an easy fix, if you want to.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

It was a thought provoking and well written story. I liked the narrator, and I thought the description of the bottle and the genie were excellent - I could imagine them and the scene very well. I enjoyed the read.




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