Hello Carly!

Happy Writing.Com Anniversary month! I enjoy your writing all year, even if I rarely do reviews. I wanted to be sure to review at least one thing of yours this month though. I hope you enjoy this celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting.



INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I thought you did a great job with the prompt for this contest. Well done!

You kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end. Well done!



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

Your poem felt like a foggy, albeit unpleasant, dream. As we can't help the kind of dreams we have (wouldn't most of us prefer nice ones?), it felt realistic to me. Well done!

I think this was my favorite line: "I call out and my voice is swallowed up in the plume of grey" ... more for the second half than the first. I could picture a person being swallowed by the grey plume in a dream. Spooky, yet very nice imagery. Well done!

Not really relevant to your review but I also want to congratulate you on being one of Jody's seven year Contest Challenge completer superstars! I suspect this was an entry for that? So maybe it is relevant. You are one of, I think, only thirteen people to achieve this amazing status! Super well done!

You had a lot of alliteration and employed some nice poetic devices. Well done!

I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical mistakes in your foggy poem. Well done!

Your dark dream poem was interesting to me, felt like it was coming straight from your heart and soul, kept my interest. Well done!



IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:
In the spirit of helpfulness, I have a few little suggestions to make your piece stronger. If you want some constructive criticism, read on. If not, just skip to the next section and know that I enjoyed your poem.

Again, if you want to skip this part, no worries at all!

Still reading? You're brave! Seriously though, these are minor things.

This is just personal opinion but I think if you split the last line into two, it would be more powerful. Right now it looks like this: "Will loosen.... I hope."
If it were my poem, I'd probably drop the ellipsis too. So, making both changes, it would change to this:
"Will loosen.
I hope."
I believe you can make this change and still be well within the line allowance for this contest, but be sure to check first if you do. Also double check that you're allowed to make changes. I seem to remember that you are, but best to be sure rather than disqualify.


At the bottom, I think you mean to have a dropnote... but it appears to be missing the second half. What shows is "{dropnote"Notes"}" and there's no blue line or down arrow. This happens to me sometimes. I usually just delete the original and start over. Maybe there's a better way though? If so, feel free to share. I like to learn too.


CONCLUSION:
You wrote an interesting, dark, dream poem that I suspect will do well in the contest. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your time, community spirit, and writing with the Writing.Com community! I hope your anniversary day is awesome and the whole month is too! May the year ahead hold wonderful things for you!


May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler










Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .