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Review #4737613
Viewing a review of:
 Autumn Open in new Window. [E]
Description
by Joan Author Icon
Review of Autumn  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Soundtrackers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello Joan

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window. activity.


*Penw* Positives

I liked the imagery in your piece. Autumn is my favorite season, and you did a great job of capturing everything that I've come to love about it: the leaves, the changing weather, days getting shorter, etc. You really managed to capture the essence of the season in comparatively few words. Nice work!


*Penw* Suggestions

The syllable count between lines in the first stanza had a large disparity (6-7-10-11) which led to a bit of an uneven read to start off the poem and made it difficult to get into a rhythm. With all the other lines of the poem between nine and eleven syllables each, I'd recommend extending those first few lines by a few syllables to match the structure of the rest of the poem.

The three lines that jumped out at me "weather is up here and there and all around" and "God paints his pictures and leaves quarters" and "Peaceful thoughts hugs and bubbles for you" as I wasn't entirely clear what the intent was behind those lines. They were beautifully written, but I'm not entirely sure what point you were tryign to get across with them, or what the imagery was supposed to convey.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, this was a lovely poem that really captures the essence of the season. Nicely done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
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