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Review #4737670
Viewing a review of:
 A Garden Rejuvinates  Open in new Window. [18+]
Zayda's aunt comes to explore the garden and they are visited by the ghost of her uncle.
by 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson Author Icon
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

You have an interesting tale here and the first paragraph was a good hook. You introduced one of the characters but added a bit of mystery - gardening isn’t usually associated with a ‘chaotic onslaught’ of any description, so clearly you were hinting at something else. The following paragraphs then made it a little clearer, but you revealed the details slowly which, I thought, worked well to keep the readers guessing, and reading on to find out. I didn’t realise that this was part of a longer story until I got to the note at the end, but it makes sense - there was clearly a lot more to come.

I did get a little confused at one point when I didn’t recognise who one of the characters was - Trace, whose grandfather was involved in the law case. I’m guessing you introduced him in an earlier chapter, and it became clear a little later who he was, but at that point, it made me stop and scan the story up to that point again to see if I missed something. It might be worth adding just a few words to explain who he is to the group of people in this story/chapter to stop readers like me, who haven’t read the rest of the novel, from tripping over the unfamiliar name.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I noticed a few minor errors:

Her aunt listened and nodded taking it all in.
I think this sentence needs a comma after “nodded”.

They sat in silence for awhile.
Two words, “a while”.

poured forth in a silence lament
“silent”

Adwina shook herself, "Bring her to the kitchen." she told her brother
I believe the comma after “herself” should be a period, and the period after “kitchen” should be a comma.

Adwina lead the way
“led”

Adwina pealed back the blanket
“peeled”

Zayda asked not sure what to believe.
I think there should be a comma after “asked”.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I did feel a little like I was thrown into the middle of a tale because there was clearly more to the story than you posted here, and not everything fell as easily into place as I would expect from a stand-alone short story. I don’t usually read novels online, but I'm tempted to have a look at the rest of this story, assuming it is in your portfolio, because this seemed like an interesting tale and now that I’ve read this teaser, I would like to know how it continues!




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