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 Review #4739232 |
 |  | Destiny? Doom!!!  [ASR] Swiftly flows the path of man - an outlook of human kind's possible future.  |
| (4.5)| Hi Rebecca Laffar-Smith  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  I am reviewing your poem, "Destiny? Doom!!!" , in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .Please remember, these are purely my own opinions, and any advice given is done so with the sole intention of being helpful.  What I liked: The darkness! I love to read (and write) dark, twisty poetry, and this is a great example of that. I was drawn to this poem when I read your brief description. I wanted to know where you imagined human kind heading, and it was interesting to read that Hades was where you were taking us. I felt that this poem could have been referring to one person's experiences, and not necessarily to the entire race of human kind. It reads like someone who is in a bad place of there own. They have made some bad choices, followed some misleading paths. The line, "Dining on pain and dreams of tomorrow" could easily be one person's outlook. But, you have it as a more general subject. We, human beings, are often tempted by the darker, less healthy paths because we are always looking for that one something that blows our mind. It also makes me think of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. That apple that Eve plucks from the forbidden tree. One temptation for something they both knew they shouldn't have done. I think the mention of our trajectory being towards Hades, and the idea that that is where humans will end their time and die out, is well sketched out in this poem. My favourite line is this: "dousing emotion with diamond shards." The idea of how we use alcohol or something else to numb any pain we feel, rather than just feeling it and experiencing life, is poignant. We all do this, don't we? And, maybe, it means we have a little less empathy for others. Maybe. Your title is a great insight into the poem. You ask your readers to consider whether the events that occur in their lives are destiny, or whether we are, in fact, doomed to fail and mess up in the end. Because we're human. I would hope we learn from experiences, but I know that's not always the case. This line highlights this dilemma really well: "Dining on pain and dreams of tomorrow ..." I really like that. Suggestions: For most of the poem, your rhythm is smooth and reads fluidly. However, this line could use a minor tweak: "Dissertation dealing in death and disease ..." The word "dissertation" has a meter that doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. I'm not sure it's the right word to use. It makes this line a little uneven in its rhythm. There are a couple of other, minor, places where this is the case. Parting Comments: I have enjoyed perusing your portfolio, and the poem I have reviewed is really well written. I loved the darkness and the sense of doom I felt by the end. Nice work. Happy anniversary! Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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