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 Review #4740102 |
 | A Prince's Vow  [E] A short story about a prince and a knight.  |
| (4.5)  First Impressions: A very thought-provoking story. As I was reading, there was no indication what the ending would be, and that the events might not be unfolding in the present day but in fact be a memory, or perhaps something the prince enacted to remember the knight. There is also a hint that it might be the prince’s mental state that was causing him to believe it was real, and he only realised at the end that it wasn’t. Either way, it was nicely done, and I read it a couple of times to make sure I understood it and because I enjoyed it. The writing was excellent and I loved the dialogue between the two characters which sounded realistic for the setting. It felt that, despite not even learning their names, the readers still got to know them well and wished for a happy ending for them.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I didn’t spot any typos or similar errors. The only suggestion I have is to separate the dialogue into paragraphs so a new paragraph begins when a different character speaks or acts. For example the third paragraph - it starts with the knight speaking, then the prince speaks and the knight responds. You need three paragraphs for this, starting the second one with, This caused the prince to pause and the third one with,"Perhaps," said the knight. I noticed the same issue later on in the story as well, but it’s an easy fix.  Final Thoughts: I have to admit, I wasn’t a fan of the epilogue. I appreciated the explanation that the prince was suffering from depression, but the line, keeps him from doing anything drastic sounded a little clumsy to me, and the whole epilogue didn’t really seem necessary to the tale. It’s the only part of the story I would consider rewriting or doing away with altogether. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t make such a suggestion, but the rest of the tale was exceptional and I felt the epilogue as the ending didn’t do the story justice. Just my opinion, of course     My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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