Review of Old Ball Game

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Review #4740578

Viewing a review of:

Old Ball Game

[13+]
Music and a day at the ballpark have a lasting effect (WC 1860)
by Damon Nomad

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4740578

Review of Old Ball Game

Review by Tiggy in Antigua

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Access: Public | Hide Review (?)

Hello Damon Nomad,

my name is Tiggy in Antigua and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"

. Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.

First Impression:

That was a very touching story, and you showed what was going on slowly and deliberately, revealing the details to the readers bit by bit. At first, the young boy is simply at a ball game with his dad, but then it seems that there is more to it. The music weaves in and out of the tale, or the main character’s mind, and the readers start to wonder at this point why he isn’t sure if he is hearing it in real time. There are gaps in the narration, but the readers can explain it as time simply moving on and the story not containing every single detail, but there is something else… And just as the main character is thinking, Something's wrong with me, it all falls into place, and it is nicely done.

I loved the part where his wife explained what the afterlife was like. I don’t believe in one but if I wanted to, then this would be the way I would like to imagine it. I read that paragraph a couple of times and I thought it was beautifully written, and the line, All of these moments exist together at the same time stuck in my mind as a particularly good and plausible explanation.

Suggestions:

I don’t have any suggestions, not a single error to point out, not even a misplaced comma. The formatting was perfect - the way you set off the lyrics, in italics and with music notes before and after, was a nice touch and made the story look very professional.

Final Thoughts:

You did a good job incorporating both sports and music, and they worked very well together here: the music brought back memories of the sporting event. Your descriptions were excellent, and it was easy to imagine the main character, both as a boy and as an old man. A very good story!