%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4740590 |
 | Chance of a Lifetime  [E] When you favourite musician finds you.  |
| (4.0)| Hello đ Carly - aka Joan Watson, my name is Tiggy in Antigua and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently. First Impression: That was indeed a great chance. I can imagine how many young artists hope for an opportunity like this, to be noticed by a singer they admire. You did a good job setting the scene, switching between Alessiaâs point of view and Daniâs to show both characterâs parts in the story, and I could imagine them well. I liked the way the famous pop star took a personal interest in Dani, clearly recognising her potential. It wasnât that Dani needed much convincing - she came across like a confident young woman who knew what she could do and just needed the opportunity. While it was luck that provided this to her, she didnât hesitate. Naturally, she got a little tongue-tied when she recognised who her benefactor was, but she didnât even seem particularly nervous at the end when she was looking forward to the meeting. I thought she was very well written.  Suggestions: When you favourite musician finds you. Just a typo, âyourâ. Now, that was a strange experience. Something she hadnât experienced in a very long time. The repetition of âexperience/experiencedâ was quite noticeable here and I would suggest replacing one of them. The woman smiled and shook her head, "no not me. I just want to listen." I would probably turn this into two sentences with a period after âheadâ. Either way, the speech needs to start with a capital letter: âNo, not meâŚâ There are a couple more instances of that error. as if to say, see I told you so. I think her thoughts (âsee, I told you soâ) should be set off in some way, perhaps with single quotation marks or italics.  Final Thoughts: You used the music theme well in this story, and I could imagine the scene in the bar well. I liked the descriptions, particularly the opening few paragraphs when Alessia is enjoying a bit of time on her own, and there were some really nice details there, like the way she was letting her toes dance over the surface before dipping them in - thatâs one of those lines I wish I had written. Overall, I thought this was a good story.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/31/2024 @ 10:39pm EDT