%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4740591 |
 | Striking a Chord  [18+] Entry for Journey Through Genres contest  |
| (4.0)| Hello Emerick - The Preacher, my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently. First Impression: It’s always difficult for a child to go against the wishes of their parents, especially if those wishes are the parent’s life-long dream the child doesn’t share. Here, the boy wanted to play music but instead had to play baseball instead, and while he understood that it was the more sensible option, his heart wasn’t in it because it wasn’t his dream. A difficult situation, and I think you showed it quite well. What I was missing was a bit more emotion from the main character. You described his struggle, but I think in order for it to come across, it would have needed a bit more dialogue or perhaps internal monologues to show the readers how he was feeling.  Suggestions: I didn’t notice any errors but I have one tiny suggestion: he realized he had lost track of time. .... "I lost track of time." These two sentences were a couple of paragraphs apart, but the repetition was quite noticeable. I would probably replace one of the phrases with a different one.  Final Thoughts: You did a good job using both the music and the sports genre for this contest. Unfortunately, one of the requirements was to include a word count for your entry, which you forgot to do. It’s a shame because you wrote an interesting story!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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