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 Review #4740660 |
 | The Guiding Light  [E] Their meeting was as unexpected as it was transformative.  |
| (4.5)| Hi zola ,  This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. What I liked:  You have a real talent for writing descriptively. This isn't simply a short story about the meeting of two people for the first time. It is an exercise in placing your readers inside a setting of your creation. I could feel the cool night air, see the streetlights flickering, feel the darkness of the winter's night. I was there. Great writing! You had me from the first sentence. The mention of a meeting that will change Alex's life forever, and the question of whether fate will be involved, is a great teaser. It sounds very magical, or mystical. I had to read on to discover what the meeting would involve. I thought the character of Mark was like a Jesus character, in that he was preaching to his disciple (Alex). He saved Alex, also. You describe him as Alex's "guiding light" which also made Mark feel religious. You may have written Mark like this on purpose, or maybe it is a coincidence. I'm not sure. There are so many phrasings of yours that I love. " ...shadows danced with the flickering glow of streetlights ..." This creates a beautiful image in my head. You have used it in the first sentence, and it grabs my attention. I also love this description: "Their conversation unfolded like a symphony of revelation." That is so good. I've not read a description like that before.Suggestions: If I'm honest, I didn't completely see what Mark offered. I think you lost me when you started to discuss mathematics. Personally, I didn't feel that this offered anything to the story. Mark is portrayed as someone influential and charismatic, and that is how I felt about him, until he started to talk about whole numbers and integers. This precision seemed in conflict with his infinite wisdom. I did spot one typo. In the first sentence, you wrote, "In the labyrinthine streets of the city ..." It should either be "labyrinth" or "labyrinthine." Parting comments: You have a great talent for creating visual and immersive prose. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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