Hi Keaton Foster -

This is a "Game of Thrones"  review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: The title and description caught my eye.

My opinion of said story/poem: This reads like a true story, a very sad true story. That said, I know it can be quite difficult writing something so personal and painful, never mind the editing. Unfortunately, you do need to do some editing in the form of commas and run-on sentences (I tend to have those same issues, so I know your pain!). A good way to find those is to read your story out loud, a person naturally pauses in the appropriate places when reading aloud. A pause means a comma or a period. This is, of course, a generalization, but it does help.

You also forgot a couple of spaces between paragraphs. I'm not sure why the spaces make reading on a computer screen easier, but they do.

Conclusion: I hesitate to say I liked the story, because of the nature of it, so, instead I will say that it is well written (besides the commas). The reader can feel the pain of it, the fear, the frustration, it's all there. I read somewhere once that, as a writer, you know you are on the right track if your writing evokes an emotion, any emotion. It's even better when your writing evokes the emotion intended, so, well done!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina




Your work was rated using the guidelines from:

Comment-In-A-Box  (E) My view on and methods of rating items on Writing.Com. #544247 by The StoryMistress

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .