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Review #4740826
Viewing a review of:
 This Old House Open in new Window. [E]
A man repurchases his childhood home and makes a startling discovery.
by Chris24 Author Icon
Review of This Old House  Open in new Window.
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review from
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Chris24 Author Icon

I have to say that I did not see the twist in this story coming at all. It took me all the way to get to the code to get a clue as to where Frank went. I think calling the father Frank makes so much sense. I once saw a meme about how many men were called Frank during a certain time period. Funny enough, I think Emerson sounds more old fashioned as a name.

The story was well written and progressed nicely. You should take a look at your use of tenses. It's not too bad, but here are a couple of examples where I thought it should be different:

steeply pitched roof had succumb to time *Right* succumbed

inserted the key, the door creaking open *Right* creaked

You listed this a Sci-Fi, although it could also go under Mystery. After all, neither Emerson nor Mom knew where and why Dad disappeared. It's kind of funny that the house had previous owners. This reminds me of the Korean movie Parasite  Open in new Window.. That story also has a man show up from the basement in an unexplained fashion. The whole thing also reminds me of Lovecraft Country  Open in new Window. with its disappearing act.

The whole story reads almost like the beginning of a novel. There is enough unsaid to warrant more story telling based on this plot. Think about it.

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.


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