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Review #4740843
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Review by Lornda Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Hello, Leadwood Author Icon


*Sun* You've written a good mysterious story in 300 words! It drew me in quickly and held my attention to the end. Nice work. *Smile*

*Sun* Even though this is written with a short word count, there are areas to watchout for, at least for me. With your opening line, I had to ask myself what was the visual exactly? I think a stronger word choice could hook the reader better. It opens with these first few words: I hear a metallic scraping... So the main character is 'hearing' something, but I would like to be in his head to 'see' and 'feel' what he's looking at. Same thing at the end, too. Your main character 'hears' the 'air split' but let me know what that sounds like exactly. I know it takes a few more words, but it's one way to engage the reader, and a first snappy sentence will set the scene and give a visual. *Wink* If the word count still has to be hacked, try reading it out loud to weed out the repeated words.

*Sun* Overall, I enjoyed reading it and liked the surprise ending! The way it built-up to the end was done well. You dropped hints slowly and left a breadcrumb trail to enhance ending. It's not always easy to write a full story in 300 words, but I think you did a good job on keeping the element of surprise until the end.

*Swords* Lornda




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