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Game of Thrones  (13+) Closed until further notice... #456789 by Gaby

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The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Gaby

A Review From The Iron Bank Of Bravos

Hi. My name is Megan, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Whispers Of A Ghost: A Hunting Tale

First Impression: I like ghost stories and when I saw this, I was anxious to read this. I noticed this needs some adjustments. I was hoping for more.

What needs your attention: You wrote three chapters. Three sentences do not make a chapter. Good descriptions of the house but did the sounds like that came from the house? Was there an owl in a tree hooting? Was there fog? Was there a full moon or scary moon? This would add excitement and scary elements to the story that makes you feel like you are there with Sarah. to the story. Was there laughter? Seeing a ghost family in Chapter 3. Good concept. If there is more to come, it should be added after Chapter 3. Better yet, just make Chapters 1, 2 and 3 all included in Chapter 1. Sarah helped the lost souls through tears and towards peace. Show don't tell. How did Sarah help the ghost family? What did she say? What did they say? What era is that? What is the background of the ghosts? How did they die? Did they ask the main character for help? It would be nice to know what transpired.

What part I liked best: I like the concept of ghosts and that Sarah saw the ghosts. I like the idea of a dilplidated house being in the hills, in a small town. There were whispers of ghosts living in the house.

Overall Impression: This story has good potential and with the suggestions I mentioned and your imagination, this will be a good story that others will enjoy.

The views and opinions ion this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work.