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The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Gaby

"Game of Thrones"           Hi! I am Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.           Title: Apprentice          First Impression: What a clever and unique way to make use of the prompt phrase. Not everyone would have thought to write of a musician and an elf. Kudos for weaving a short story within the constraint of three hundred or less words. The elf's ears are offended, but he still offers to make Laora an apprentice because he senses her raw talent. Her assault is short-lived and the ensuing scuffle is but a temporary blip. So, the twins are considered to be younglings. That is a different form of age address.          What needs your attention: I realize you are attempting to write the twins speaking a different dialect, or slang. Some of your word variations do not ring true. In one sentence they speak perfect English and in another they drop the endings of words, and use shortened forms. Again, I know the creation of this story has a short turn around. This doesn't leave much time for editing.          What part I liked best: I admire the scene in which Laora extricated herself from the elf's grasp. You use strong action words and they paint a convincing picture. I have no doubt as to what she managed to do. Haha, some of us unintentionally massacre music. With a few words you describe Laora not appreciating the elf's grip on her arm.          Overall impression: This is a fresh take on the given prompt and I congratulate you for conceiving it. This reads as the opening chapter to a much longer story. Perhaps you will ad more to the saga in the future.          Thank you for allowing me to read your work. it has been my pleasure.          What does the fox say??? Listen carefully. ( 1878 characters )          DISCLAIMER: The views and opinionss on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.