Wow! What a chilling tale you wrote! Was this a true story? I had the impression from your brief introduction that it might very well be. Gee Wiz! I'm going to be taking a good look around if I awake in the night! This is the type of story that lingers in the mind. You told it in a creative way. It reminded me of a scary story that might be told at camp at night around a fire. Well done.

The title you chose was perfect for this story. The narrator was, indeed, home alone with a ghost. I wondered if the ghost was a ghost of the grandparent, or maybe of someone the grandparent knew. I then wondered if the ghost might have been attracted to the ashes which had been in the grandparent's bedroom. Either way, you are a good story teller.

I was captivated with every word throughout, and I liked the closure you brought to the end.

I think this story could be polished up so that it is presented better.

I would, for example, break it up into paragraphs, leaving space here and there. What I would do, is end the 'first paragraph', with this ending sentence: " What I saw shook me to my core." In my opinion, that would make it a good hook paragraph to make people want to continue reading. Double-space and continue to the next paragraph. This will make your story easier to read.

I would then end the next paragraph with, "hoping to God that it wouldn't be able to get to me." I would then, double-space and continue breaking up the story into spaces and paragraphs as in those examples.

Lastly, it might be a good idea to put your story through a grammar scan program to finish the polishing up.

Other than that, you should keep writing stories. You are talented at it.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .