"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Sophy review 1 of 2

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Back in Time

First Impression: Interesting prompt with a weekend required writing involved with very specific details. My initial thought was that's really restrictive but as I read I noted the prompt details actually were helpful because they kept you from wandering too far off.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar errors. But I am curious why you chose to use and here instead of or "And there I sat, for who knows how long, trying not to cry and scream because right after this spot follows and wondering if I'd lost my mind and was really in some mental hospital somewhere and this was my psychotic break. This is a very wordy sentence with a lot of ands. I would suggest changing the first and to or. Then ending the sentence after hospital somewhere. Then changing This was my psychotic break to Was this a psychotic breakdown? It invites the reader to think as well about her state of mind.

What part I liked best: Ciggie lighter and ciggies, reminded me of a high school friend she always called them ciggies not cigarettes or smokes. I found your inventory of supplies hilarious. Airplane peanuts are the worst.

Another day or two or year, that added tension again.

I wished entry four had been a bit longer but maybe you'll come back to this piece again.

Overall impression: This was an engaging read with good pacing and comical commentary as well as the moments of panic. Your character felt believable in the setting and situation.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .