GROUP

The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Gaby

"Game of Thrones"  Hi! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.          Title: Boy vs His Sister's Coat          First Impression: This is a delightful story that hits all the feel good notes. What boy isn't naturally curious? Timmy is also relentless in his quest to bond, or is it provoke the magical coat. I appreciate the imagination displayed in this story. I can understand that boy's amazement when he finds a note addressed to him while caught in the act of raiding the coat's pocket. How could this be possible?          What needs you attention: May I suggest you separate the dialogue from the other sentences? The speaking will be more dramatic and noticeable if it stands alone. Perhaps do not tell the reader that the coat revealed itself in a hilarious way. Let the reader reach that conclusion. Do not tell us that Timmy found the coat to be hilarious after the snow tussle, show us. describe. Use strong verbs. Did Timmy guffaw, gasp for air, did he whoop and holler throw his arms in the air?          What part I liked best: The idea that a coat could and would shanghai a kid and wrestle him to a toboggan hill is creative. The pictures you paint are vivid. I can see Timmy and the coat tumbling in the snow while a crowd stared. Imagine this as animation. I like the spontaneity of the mischievous coat and this could easily become a series of stories featuring this piece of clothing.          Overall Impression: This is a great, engaging, refreshing tale. A magic, mind-of-its-own coat would appeal to children who like surprises and absurdity. I'd fancy a similar sort of apparel.          Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.          What does the fox say??? Listen Carefully. (1755 characters )          DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.