\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741473
Review #4741473
Viewing a review of:
 
What lurks beyond the flowers- Pt I Open in new Window. [18+]
Salt, flowers, a pond, crucifixes, a cradle, a garden, a train, and a handful of demons.
by elisabeth Author Icon
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
What a wonderful beginning. I love the old style writing, the unhurried, nay, leisurely pace, and the detailed descriptions. You have a good vocabulary and know how to use it gently and naturally. And your story is good as far as it goes. I find myself wanting to know what happens next and that, surely, is a good sign.

Just a couple of matters of presentation. The piece presents as rather cluttered and pressed together. When submitting for publication, it is usuasl to start paragraphs with an indent but, on the internet and for reading on screen, it's better to put a space between them by hitting Enter twice. This allows the eye a rest between paragraphs.

It's also advisable to provide a word count, either at the top or bottom of the text. This gives an immediate idea of the length which is important for reviewers, editors, and the like. You'll find it useful, too.

There were a couple of language usage issues as well. Not massive but for perfection, I'll list them here:

"I receive a critical lour from the eye, but not a word." "Lour" is a verb, not a noun, although I know what you mean. "Scan" might be better.

"Beneath my feet lays an ornate rug..." Oh dear, that lay/lie problem again. In this context, it should be lie.

Other than those miniscule matters, the piece is perfect, really enjoyable, and I'll bet the whole thing, when completed, will be a best seller. Beautiful work.

Bulbul signature which links back to the group page
Small photo
Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
2023 Quill Nominee2023 Quill Finalist


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/04/2024 @ 11:15am EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741473