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Review #4741598
Viewing a review of:
 Memories Open in new Window. [ASR]
This is an excerpt from my fantasy novel. I need constructive criticism please.
by taylianna Author Icon
Review of Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
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A "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review from
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Hello taylianna Author Icon

In your intro line, you mention that you are seeking constructive critiques for this fantasy novel idea. As a fellow fantasy author who is often misunderstood, I hope that you will find my comments useful.

The first line that says one of the characters is going to be Name2 is so relatable. I often struggle with names. I end up giving characters the most generic names possible like Mike or Bob for male characters. Later, this has a tendency to come back to bite me when I have too many Mikes or Bobs.

Now that I have read the story, it's a version of King Henry VII. I will be honest, this is not a book that I would buy or even get from the library. A man who kills his wife because the child he fathered is not the desired sex is not a compelling villain to follow for me. Being told by his father that Rendell can't be the king is not enough of a sad backstory to root for him. Now that wife is dead, Rendell has taken to polygamy, which is another character bit that doesn't make me feel like investigating his story.

From this summary, I get that Rendell and Name2 will duke it out over the throne. Reading it like this, you can surely see that the story needs more characters that are endearing or interesting.

Annette
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