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Review #4741605
Viewing a review of:
 Boy vs His Sister’s Coat Open in new Window. [E]
A Boy and his Sister’s Coat Feud, with hilarious consequences for both of them.
by Sophia Snowflake Author Icon
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review from
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Sophia Snowflake Author Icon

The title alone hints and something fun to read. The intro line promises hilarity. I notice that you only chose two genres. It is always advisable to use all three genres because each of those gives you a chance to find readers and reviewers who look to read in a specific genre. I suggest you add "Comedy."

As the story goes on, the coat stops being the sister's coat. That happens very early on as the story keeps mentioning all of the interactions that Timmy has with the coat. As the coat is only one entity, it can't be Timmy's and sister's coat in the same moment.

This raises the questions:

What did sister wear when Timmy was out and about with the coat?
How did Timmy explain his love for a girl's coat to his sister, parents, and the neighbors?
Was the coat possessed or was it some paranormal entity that used the coat to communicate?
Or ... was it sister who wrote the notes to humor Timmy?

Here are a couple of observations about the writing for you:

a sleepy little town nestled in the heart of winter *Right* This reads as if "winter" is a region. In that case, it would need an uppercase W. Or the sentence needs a little restructuring.

his adventures.And so *Right* space after the period before And

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.


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