"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi JCCosmos

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Big Mac Assassination Plot

First Impression: As soon as I saw the title on writer's cram forum I knew who the subject was. If only your words could make it happen with no repercussions to anyone.

What needs your attention: I would consider the sentences beginning with and to be worded so they don't start with and. Sentences that begin with and give this reader the sense the author is holding my hand as I read. One sentence is okay but you have four. Two of them in the third paragraph very close to each other.

There's a period in this sentence that doesn't belong after the word and "Texas which had declared independence and. 35 other "

What part I liked best: I don't know your politics nor is this the place to discuss it so I'll simply say the whole concept of the assassination. Not sure I want the country divided up since I would be separated from my loved ones.

Overall impression: Interesting response to the Writer's Cramp contest. Other than the places I pointed out the pacing was good and the plot was hilarious.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Keep on writing!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .