\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741973
Review #4741973
Viewing a review of:
Image Protector
Cheese Puffs  Open in new Window. [ASR]
A bag of cheese puffs help a romance to get started.
by SantaBee Author Icon
Review of Cheese Puffs  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
The Free Folk image for G.o.T.


Hello SantaBee

I'm sending this review in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Penw* Positives

This was a fun, entertaining, romantic story. You did a great job of developing both Angie's and Andrew's characters and showing the mutual interest evolving beyond the initial physical attraction. I also like the fact that they both had interesting careers and what felt like fully-developed individual lives.


*Penw* Suggestions

Not a huge deal, but there were a couple of points where, after "Adonis" was introduced as Andrew/Drew, he was still referred to as Adonis, which made for a bit of a confusing read at certain points.

Also, the break in the middle between the two encounters felt a little rough, as if it just jumped from one scene to the other. It would have benefitted the story to have a bit of a smoother transition with one scene leading into the other.

While I understand their significance to the story, the title "Cheese Puffs" felt a little, well, cheesy. This is actually a really compelling, well-written romance story and the title felt a little sillier than the tone of the piece. I can't help but think there's a more fitting title for such an enjoyable, elegant story.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I thought this was a fun, engaging story. It kept my interest throughout and I could definitely see the possibilities for a larger world and/or more involved narrative as I read. These are two characters that I'm definitely interested in getting to know better. Well done!


Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing PhilosophyOpen in new Window.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/06/2024 @ 2:28am EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741973