\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742098
Review #4742098
Viewing a review of:
 Brittney’s Fishing Trip Open in new Window. [E]
"The Pickle Kids" Completed a thorough edit using Grammarly, any suggestions?
by Lazy Writer est 4/24/2008 Author Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window., I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I love a good children’s story, and this is one of them. I remember reading and reviewing one of your other Pickle Kids stories; I should read the rest of them as well.

A simple recounting of a girl’s “dad time,” enjoyable and memorable, as told by the little girl herself. The vocabulary and style reflects this limited first person perspective, and you’ve done a pretty good job with that. I might suggest giving us more scenic descriptions, but it’s not really required here… we all know what a pond in the woods looks like *Laugh*

I would recommend using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. I also note a number of tiny typos that Grammarly failed to catch. I’ll list them here for you:

~ not like Dad'! When describing the mom’s hair
~ I hopped out of, ran around You could drop the word “out” here.
~ to get the line I'm. “I’m” should be “in.”
~ I noticed a lot of sentences are double spaced in between like this which was probably a result of using Grammarly. (Twitter does that sometimes when I write something using my iPad, and it drives me crazy)

Other than that, everything is fine. You may want to add a word count to the subtitle so people know how much time it’ll take to read and review. Also, it’s a good habit to begin taking a word count and posting it to everything you write in case you happen to be writing something for a contest.

Thanks for sharing and take care *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/05/2024 @ 1:27pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742098