%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4742115 |
 | Wiarton Willie Is Whistling In The Wind  [E] Writer's Cramp has requested a 2/2, a Groundhog Day gone wrong. Oh no! WC win!  |
| (4.5)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi Maid of the Mist Most Macabre .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Wiarton Willie Is Whistling In The Wind" . The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. Groundhog Day is one of my favorite holidays celebrated in the movies. Bill Murray's movie of the same name is THE annual tradition for me--more so than It's A Wonderful Life at Christmas. I jumped at the chance to review your offering.Three things in your header information jumped out at me. The first was your very imaginative title. I loved the alliteration. The second was the spelling of your groundhog's name in the title. How do you pronounce it? Is the "i" silent? Or, is it pronounced 'Wee-r-ton'? That came to mind every time I read the name. Finally, was the creation date. It seemed odd to select such a prompt in September. That has nothing to do with your story; I just notice odd things. That said, I learned a lot about groundhogs, both from your story and from looking up the albino aspect online. From pictures I've seen of Punxsutawney Phil, I wouldn't have taken him for white. It was interesting how you wove the facts into your story. I'm often amazed at how much I learn from the stories posted on WDC. I especially loved your ending. Imaginative.  Editorial Thoughts.  Your dialogue is good; it moves your story along, while adding those interesting facts. I would suggest that you break up the Mayor's announcement to the crowd into two paragraphs. It would make it easier to follow (and read),, and would better suit how one might speak to a crowd--with appropriate pauses. Especially true with all the other versions of groundhog predictions. I was left guessing that the "pool of blood and tufts of scattered white fur" was a false alarm. Perhaps a short note about a false alarm would help.  Technical Considerations. This section relates to the mechanics of your writing. I found no issues with your punctuation, grammar or spelling. Well done. May I suggest that you double-space your paragraphs? The added white space really helps your reader--at least, it helps my old eyes, and it is a very easy fix in the edit mode.  My Rating. 4.5.  Thank you for sharing your offering.
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
You responded to this review 04/05/2024 @ 2:03pm EDT