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Review #4742259
Viewing a review of:
 Paying The Bill Open in new Window. [18+]
Jeff and Susan have car trouble. Horror Writing Contest May 2023.
by Dave Ryan Author Icon
Review of Paying The Bill  Open in new Window.
Review by Lornda Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Hello, Dave Ryan Author Icon
*Balloonb* An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. gift for you! *Balloonb*


*Sun* I enjoyed reading your story! I think for the small word count you did a good job of telling the whole story. I'm not a fan of starting things off with dialog, but it did jump right into the scene to hook me in. It did have some mysterious undertones to it as I read a long, and I wanted to know what was going to happen next. There was a twist at the end. Way to go!

*Sun* The only feedback I can give you is to watch how many characters you have in a short word count. It was kind of hard to follow who was who at times. It did flow along okay, but I had to stop to think about who was talking and what these guys were all thinking. If this was for a contest with a word count then I totally understand why you had to move it along.

*Sun* Overall, I enjoyed the story, and it did work up to an interesting ending. Was it horror? I'm not too sure, because I kind of smirked at the end. Lol! I guess with the amount of guys around, it would take awhile, eh? I thought you did well with structuring the story to reveal the outcome one piece at a time. Even thought there were many characters in the scene, I thought the dialog did a good job at moving the story forward. Keep up the great writing!

*Swords* Lornda




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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/06/2024 @ 5:45pm EDT
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