"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Elizabeth

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes. Seriously, I'm not a stalker though it may feel like it right now.

Title: The Scheme

First Impression: I chuckled reading this flash entry because it reminded me of conversations with my sons when they were younger. Always looking for a way to make fast money.

What needs your attention: I did note this sentence didn't sound like an eight-year old boy.
“All you have to do is use your employee discount when customers are paying, make them pay full cost, and keep the leftovers. No one will even notice,” he informed her with a grin, extremely proud of his criminal plot." The dialogue is too stilted for a child.

It can easily be fixed by breaking it into smaller segments. Mom, use your employee discount when it's a customer. No one will notice, he said beaming.

Then the Mom can think to herself I'm raising a criminal
Just food for thought.

What part I liked best: Newspapers suck. I want to deliver chaos. That made me laugh. It sounded so much like an eight-year boy talking there in your story.

Overall impression: Nice! I enjoyed the reliving memories of my sons scheme about money.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .