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Review #4742598
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Night of the Fireflies Open in new Window. [13+]
Andrea captures something more than she bargained for
by iKïyå§ama Author Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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What a lovely response to the prompt!

First off, let me thank you for the easy to read layout. With my weak eyesight, I find it difficult to review prose that's longer than flash fiction unless it's easy to read.

The story kept me interested throughout. I wanted to know what happened and I was invested in the characters. You give some great messages in a very engaging way.

I guess it's a style choice, but I did find some of the sentences too lengthy. I needed to read them again to grasp what you were saying.

I made these notes as I read:

Favourite bits:

1. That her father instructed her to let Nature be.
2. The phrase 'thick blanket of weariness'.
3. 'Wendy in Peter Pan'! What a cute image! *Smile*
4. The concern the fairies and girl show for the ill fairy.
5. The description of their flight from the jar - colours and fragrance.
6. I smiled imagining the teacher reading the summer essay!

Suggestions:
(Feel free to use or disregard!)

1. Early on - repetition 'trap' 'trapped'.
2. 'to have some privacy' seems redundant.
3. return back to sleep - either 'return' to sleep or 'go' back to sleep.
4. Tell us she wore glasses a bit earlier in the story, maybe. (Or leave them out.)
5. Seems to be a word missing - which her snapping her head quickly.
6. The explanation about why she whispered seems redundant, just 'she whispered' would suffice I think.
7. Are you calling the fairy 'it' or 'she / he' respectively? I was a bit confused.
8. The last 'about' doesn't seem to be needed.
9. Since you can choose only 3 genres, while 'mystery' fits, I think 'nature' or 'environment' are more important for the message you give.

Thanks for sharing this delightful tale!
Write On!
- Sonali

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