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 Review #4742603 |
 | Miss Fit  [13+] Contest. Short story written to a prompt and less than a thousand words.  |
| (4.0)| A "Game of Thrones" by Creeper Of The Realm  ReviewStoryline: Sara is sheltered because of violent outbursts. Therapy hasn't worked. Even her father, a doctor, doesn't seem to be able to help heal his troubled daughter. Moving to the country seemed to be the best path for them. All her father wants is for his daughter to have a chance at some normalcy without being dependent on drugs. Spelling/Grammar Issues: dad had madeher a -- made her about whole idea of communicating -- missing the Emotion: I did feel for Sara's plight. She leads a lonely existence and seeks ways to get her life on track. Overall Impression: I like the concept of this story, but felt a rushed ending that disconnected the story itself. The book of spells that sent Sara on her quest to capture mosquitos and the work she put into making the cage to capture and keep them together until it was time to release them drew me in. Final Thoughts: I followed along easily enough, until the last paragraph. This is when the story seemed to try and wrap up, but felt forced. I realize that contest entries have word counts that you must stick to, but this ending confused me unless I missed something. How did Sara suddenly know that Hecate was the voice she was hearing? Was it because of the release of the mosquitos? I also wondered if Sara is a werewolf because of her penchant for being up late into the night and listening to sounds that encroached upon her. That is coupled with the fact that she sleeps during the daytime. Am I on the right track here? There is a positive note at the end when Sara realizes she has the power to control her own destiny. I liked how involved her father was, trying to do right by his daughter yet unable to heal her like he wanted. The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  
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