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Review #4742669
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Review by Kit Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Hi StaiNe too many books Author Icon,

This review is a part of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

Congratulations on completing Door #1 in "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. [13+]! It's an interesting journey, isn't it? I hope that you are enjoying yourself.

This is an interesting piece inspired by the song Road Less Traveled by Lauren Alaina. You make some very good points here. The way that marketing makes us feel that we are flawed, but if we buy this product it will fix it. The way that trends are shaped until we believe that this is how things are. The way that gender is policed - girls have to be this way, boys have to be that way. It's so unnecessary, and it can be quite toxic.

It's sad when these societal expectations mean that you cannot express your feelings. You cannot show emotion. It's unnatural - we cry for a reason and it's much better to share how we feel than to hold it all in. Perhaps, one day, all that will change. I sure hope so.

In the meanwhile, thank you for highlighting this. You made a good start with this item.

Suggestions:

I do have some suggestions, dear author. I hope that you will find them helpful!

Paragraph 1:

*Snow2* The Road less travelled

I would either go for a lower case 'r' in road, or go for Road Less Traveled.

*Snow2* worry us

'worry' should be worries.

*Snow2* some if us

'if' should be of.

*Snow2* don't realized

'realized' should be realize.

*Snow2* it hard to

'it' should be it's.

Paragraph 2:

*Snow2* he's cry easy

'he's' should be he'd.

*Snow2* and he got torments by other children because that though he was too "girly" only girls cry.

I suggest changing this to something like: and he got tormented by other children, because they thought he was too 'girly' - only girls cry.

My Rating:

This is a good, reflective piece that does well following the given prompt. It makes for an interesting read.

I did have some suggestions. Nothing major, but there were some spelling errors and it can do with another look here and there to perfect it. For that reason, for now, I will give this entry a rating of 3.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Write on!

Kit

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