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 Review #4742723 |
 | The Dragon of Legend  [18+] A dragon stronger than the rest, only told in legends. That legend has now come to life.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I liked the premise of this story. The four different types of fire were an interesting idea, and it worked well that you started the tale with an explanation. To avoid it coming across like an info dump for the readers’ benefit, you disguised it as a lesson, delivered by one of the four fire kings. It worked quite well, and it was necessary or the readers wouldn’t have understood the significance. Of course, there is the enemy as well, the ice raider who, until now, was believed to be a myth but is actually very real, and he tried to destroy the fire realism and their kings. The descriptions of the start of the battle were very good, especially the ice dragon who appeared to be terrifying, and the battle was fast paced and exciting. Despite their loss, the ending was uplifting and hopeful as they learned that they had to unite to be able to ward off future attacks.  Suggestions: As I mentioned, I thought the opening paragraph was well done. However, I would try to get the main character’s name in there right away so the readers know who he is. At first, you referred to him simply as a young man which makes it sound like he is not particularly important to the tale and the actual main character will show up later. In order to draw the readers in, it’s always a good idea to introduce the main character by name as soon as possible. I think you told an interesting story, but the mechanics let the tale down. There were numerous grammar and punctuation errors, misspelt words, missing words, etc., and it distracted from the story quite a lot. I’m not going to point them all out here but I would suggest at least running a spelling and grammar check which should catch most of them.  Final Thoughts: You have a good tale here, and it would be worth spending some time to polish it a little to make it more readable. I’m sure you’ll attract a larger audience if you take care of those errors and perhaps advertise the story in the newsfeed - ‘fantasy’ is a popular genre, and lots of readers love dragons!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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