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Given: Apr 8, 2024 at 2:20pm
Length: 644 Characters |
644 w/o WritingML
This is a fast paced first chapter. It could use more showing of emotions and scenery than telling, I have never been to most of the places it tells about and would like more of a sense of being there with the characters. The pace is a bit fast to get much of a sense of the characters too. Don't feel that just because you set off at a run that you can't take a few breaths and put in some showing details so we can catch our breaths and get into the characters heads. Right now all the characters are to me is several shades of panicked and frantic. Not all of them should or would be yet. Nothing really has happened for them to be frantic.
You responded to this review 04/08/2024 @ 2:29pm EDT
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