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 Review #4742912 |
 | Ryan's Gift  [E] Buddy breaks into Santa's workshop, but what for? (What a character story prompt)  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: It’s quite a long time until Christmas but something drew me to this story in your portfolio. I’m guessing it was the brief description, which sounded intriguing, and I’m glad I clicked. I can’t help but feel sorry for Buddy. He was a bully, but there was something about him, something Ryan with a Y saw as well or he wouldn’t have given him the extra gift so selflessly. He wasn’t smart, but then, the plan he came up with was very clever, and it worked, all the way to the ride home he had planned out. He went to the trouble in order to be nasty to Ryan, but still, when everything turned out the way it did, it felt like he didn’t deserve it. There were some lovely details in this story, like the scene in the shop where Bobby found the charm, or the array of ‘children’ in the freezer, and of course Ryan’s letter. That’s when the readers suddenly realised how this was all going to go wrong, and the innocence of the boy was rather heartbreaking, as was the way the tale ended.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I only noticed a few, small errors: Buddy doodled pictures of tanks and jeeps in his note book I believe it’s one word, “notebook”. their home work was to write a letter Again, one word, “homework”. he made sure say thank you You’re missing a word here, “sure to say”. cup of hot coco “cocoa” sneak into Santa’s work shop One word, “workshop”. if you to give him “if you could give him” or “if you gave him”?  Final Thoughts: You didn’t say what the prompt for this contest was, only that the story was written for the “What a Character” contest. It would have been interesting to know, if only to see what inspired this story, and I would always recommend putting the prompt at the beginning or end of the story. The contest changes every month and the prompts disappear, and you get annoying readers like me asking you what the prompt was  I liked this story, a lot. The writing was exceptional and I especially enjoyed the tone in the first half of the tale when the readers were firmly in Buddy’s head and experienced it from his point of view. Thanks for the great read!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/08/2024 @ 8:37pm EDT