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Review #4743457
Viewing a review of:
 Charisma- The Devil's Gap- Chapter 1 Open in new Window. [13+]
Charisma is an exciting adventure and challenges what you thought you knew about the world
by Nemesis Author Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Nemesis! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Reading* Great first chapter. The opening sentence is strong. It would be quite a feat to find what enabled the Egyptians to live as Gods in ancient times. I always believed there is a power in quartz we are just beginning to realize. Also, with different tones of sound. I believe they had this knowledge.

You have strong characters, and the relationship between Liam and his Uncle Peter is well-written. It seems to hint at a much deeper, more complex relationship between the two.

Your beginning hint at the plot will make a fascinating story. You did a great job with the setting. It's easy to envision as the reader follows along.

I do have a few suggestions below. Please use or discard these as you see fit.

*Bookstack* floor to ceiling

floor-to-ceiling

*Penr* Elvin like

Elvin-like

*Notepady* mahogany and

Comma after mahogany

*Pencil* uncle Peter.

Capitalize all 'Uncles' in your writing

*Books2* customer would by

customer would buy

*Penb* his legs and

Comma after legs

Thank you for sharing your first chapter with us. I enjoyed it, and look forward to reading more!

*Heart* Intuey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
House Lannister image for G.o.T.



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