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Review #4743500
Viewing a review of:
~I'm Coming Home~ Open in new Window. [13+]
*Winning Entry* Weekly Flash Fiction, : "I have no regrets"
by Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas Author Icon
Review of ~I'm Coming Home~  Open in new Window.
Review by SandraLynn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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The Iron Bank of Braavos Open in new Window. (13+)
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#1994693 by Gaby Author IconMail Icon
"Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. Hello fellow Writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: I'm Coming Home
First Impression: This is a succinct, well-written story with a surprise ending. The narrator experiences a surprise, most unexpected happy ending. From misery and a little rain comes just what she has always wanted, a baby. She makes a spontaneous decision and restarts her life across the border in Mexico. Ah, if only it was that easy. With the ending being a tag line "Three years have passed. I have never looked back; moreover I have no regrets" you illustrate this woman is happy with her choice.
What needs your attention: This is my thought. The sentence spelling out the see ya later letter from The cowardly lout of a husband, Jake does not need a semi colon preceding it. It stands alone and as such the words before it should be capped with a period. I have not noticed anything else that needs editing.
What part I liked best: You did not waste your limited word count explaining every little detail here. You expose the relevant, salient points. Ended marriage, grief, discovery of baby, adoption/rescue of infant, walk across the border to return home. Nice, neat tale. I like that she never hesitated with her life-changing decision. She found a daughter and she would cope as she went along. Mothers do this coping thing all the time. There are no instruction manuals and no sureties. Instant new family.
Overall Impression: This story moved at a quick pace. Fate intervened and its invitation required quick thinking and drastic, immediate planning. Great response to the given prompt. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.
(1824 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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