%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4743568 |
 | Glitch?  [E] A professor is not sure if his machine works.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: Considering that this was flash fiction, you managed to tell a lot of story here! And it was a fun read. The readers almost immediately got a good image of this absent-minded professor who doesn’t remember his neighbour's name but has invented a working time machine and a device that seems to be creating a black hole. The professor realises that the time machine works, but he is disappointed that things he does on his travels appear to have no effect on the future. And if the readers didn’t pay attention when the professor’s cat was introduced (with a great name, by the way!) they didn’t get the joke at the end, when the professor came home to a dog. The professor, of course, didn’t get it either, since him changing one little thing in the past did, in fact, change the future and that was the only way he knew it. Nicely done!  Suggestions: “Easy now,” he thought As he was thinking this, I would suggest putting it in italics rather than speech marks. If you did that, you wouldn’t even need the dialogue tag as the italics already make it clear that he thought this. “Ding Dong!” I’m not a fan of sound effects in stories so I would suggest replacing this with a description of what was happening. It might be personal preference though so feel free to ignore this. Bo asked pointing at You need a comma after “asked”. Did you time travel This is a question so you need to end it with a question mark. It’s all yours.” Jenkins said. As the sentence continues after the speech with the dialogue tag, you need a comma instead of the period after “yours”.  Final Thoughts: I’m curious what the contest prompt was. I would suggest either including it in a note or, if it was a certain phrase, putting the relevant words in bold. Not that it makes a difference to the story itself but it’s interesting to know for the readers what inspired the tale. I liked the story. There was a lot of subtle humour, and the dialogue between the neighbours sounded realistic. The piece was too short for a lot of character development, but I still felt that I learned quite a bit about the professor. Overall, a great read!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/11/2024 @ 12:18pm EDT