Hi Lazy Writer est 4/24/2008 .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Paperwork" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

  Overall Impression. Congratulations on achieving your Sweet 16th year on WDC. You joined just a couple weeks before I did. I always envy anyone who found this site before me because they got to experience the site longer than I.

You make an interesting point about unresolved paperwork. It really does cause business to grind to a halt. When I joined the Army back in the late 70's, the big thing was completing After Action Reports after any exercise. I understood the wisdom for such items, but I hated doing them.

But I got so proficient doing them, that I did such reports after any event at my church in which I was in charge. They helped that person who was next in the hot seat.

I guess you had two morals to your story. The obvious (named) one about finishing your paperwork. And, be careful of practical jokes. What goes around often comes back around.

Finally, watch your layout. Some of your paragraphs are not indented like most. and your paragraph spacing toward the end is off. They are small things, I suppose. But to a reader, like me, they interrupt the reading flow.

  Technical and Editorial Considerations. I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing here--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. 

          Be sure that your tenses match. The following sentence changes from past to present. Check the bold words.  These are charts where the patient has died but the chart is not complete.  

          When one can hear a pin drop, it's extremely quiet. You wouldn't be able to hear any moaning.  You could hear a pin drop, but what they heard was moaning and what sounded like feet shuffling.  

          Replace the comma with a period. You really have two distinct sentences here. Commas are best used to separate individual words and phrases.   The case is still open to this day, it seems to be one of the unsolvable mysteries of our time.  

          I know you don't mean this literally, but perhaps re-wording it would avoid the inevitable comments.  No one breathing.  Folks hardly breathed.

My Rating. 4.0. 

Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .