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Review #4743743
Viewing a review of:
 Sugar’s Run Open in new Window. [E]
Our first camping trip started with a ride that I will always remember.
by Nanapockets Author Icon
Review of Sugar’s Run  Open in new Window.
Review by SandraLynn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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The Iron Bank of Braavos Open in new Window. (13+)
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#1994693 by Creeper Of The Realm Author IconMail Icon
"Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. Hello Fellow Writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: Sugar's Run
First Impression: Wow! You retell quite the adventure here. I chose this story because I am a lifelong camper and have experienced my fair share of adventures. This type has never happened to me or my family. What a shame that your supposedly innocent and meant-to-be-fun cart ride ended suddenly, spectacularly with an accident. I am certain your parents did not anticipate such a dramatic beginning to the family vacation either.
What needs your attention: I spotted a few minor things. "I knew the stables were to far away." That 'to' should be a 'too'. Again a 'too' is needed in "it was to late to swim." Oops, "pat" needs an 'h'. "Started carrying back the way.." Perhaps add 'him' to that sentence.
What I liked best: The entire story is a shocker, but ends with the family enjoying their first camping trip, healed and happy.
Overall Impression: This must be a wonderful memory. Thanks for allowing me to read your work. It has been a pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.
(1186 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Celebrating you with an Anniversary Review.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/17/2024 @ 1:00am EDT
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