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Review #4743996
Viewing a review of:
 Clandestine Services Open in new Window. [ASR]
Let's get out of here! Daily Flash Fiction Challenge entry.
by Jeff Author Icon
Review by JayNaNoOhNo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!



Hello, Jeff!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
This was a fun twist on a heist/espionage story.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
I love the title, and it's great that you included both a description and the contest information in the description box.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
We're dropped into a narrator telling us it's a clandestine operation after the janitor's gone home, so yes, hook planted and curiosity piqued. But as the plot unfolds, it takes a comedy turn. The shift from suspense to comedy is well-executed and genuinely funny, leading to a satisfying resolution for the reader.

The structure of the plot supports its pacing and tone, making for an enjoyable read. In terms of genre, this is a light touch on mystery; it definitely fits into the comedy framework more easily. But I'm the one always telling people to pick three genres so people can find your work, so I guess I can't say too much more than "good job!" with that one.

If you have the word count or the time, having your characters a minor obstacle (even something as simple as a locked door somewhere) could help play up the suspense and give your characters more room to chat and build their characters.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
The characters have enough details for the size of the story, and their action and limited dialogue make sense and provide levity during their 'very serious' mission. It's a good contrast between the more experienced 'operative' and the less experienced novice.

Again, if you have the word count or time, adding a bit more back-and-forth banter could help differentiate their personalities a little more.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
There are no problems in either area.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
This is a nice piece of lighthearted entertainment and a great comedy story.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

JayNaNoOhNo Author Icon*Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer, and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/12/2024 @ 12:19am EDT
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