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Review #4744648
Viewing a review of:
 The War Next Door Open in new Window. [13+]
A rivalry among neighbors. Writer's Cramp entry.
by Jeff Author Icon
Review of The War Next Door  Open in new Window.
Review by . . . Jeremy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Jeff

You are receiving this review of "The War Next DoorOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..

*Gem* Areas of Strength

*Bullet* The narrator and Ms. Ibarra are well-developed characters with distinct personalities. The narrator's gradual realization of the danger he's in and Ms. Ibarra's calculated and vengeful nature are portrayed effectively.

*Bullet* The story is well-paced, with tension building steadily as the narrator explores Ms. Ibarra's house. The reveal of Ms. Ibarra's true intentions is well-timed, creating a sense of suspense and intrigue.

*Bullet* I felt your use of vivid descriptions really aided in creating a sense of atmosphere and setting. Details like the tipped-over salt shaker and the hoarder-like condition of the garage added to the overall mood of the story. By including small details like these, the scene is grounded in reality and allows the reader a more immersive reading experience.

*Bullet* The twist ending, where Ms. Ibarra reveals her plan and the narrator's fate is sealed, is unexpected and adds a darkly ironic twist to the story.



*Gem* Areas for Improvement

*Bullet* While Ms. Ibarra's motivations are clear, the narrator's motivations for trespassing and tampering with her property are less so. Providing more insight into the narrator's mindset and motivations could enhance the story's depth.

*Bullet* The story could benefit from more foreshadowing of Ms. Ibarra's true nature earlier in the narrative. This could create a greater sense of unease and anticipation leading up to the twist ending.

*Bullet* The dialogue between the narrator and Ms. Ibarra feels somewhat stiff and formal, particularly in the final confrontation scene. Adding more natural and believable dialogue could make the interaction between the characters more engaging.



*Gem* Overall Impression

Overall, you've created a suspenseful and well-crafted story with strong character development and a compelling narrative. With some refinement in character motivations and dialogue, it could be even more impactful. I know this originally written as a contest entry for The Writer's Cramp and was under the constraint of the prompt and word limitation. Therefore, I have only provided suggestions on improvement should you wish to explore and expand the narrative beyond the scope of a contest entry and turn it into a fully-functional and unconstrained short story.

Write on! *Pencil*



*Snow2*          *Swords*          *Snow4*          *Swords*          *Snow2*


Let your imagination run wild.

Set your creativity free.

We are the Free Folk.

And we do not kneel.


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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 11:04pm EDT
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